Why I Quit My Job

I was depressed on New Year's Eve. I did the whole celebration with my parents and my little brother while my little sister and boyfriend spent the holiday in two different states at two different colleges. I walked to my room, closed the door and cried.

WHAT THE HELL WAS I DOING WITH MY LIFE?

In that moment I realized, my parents were getting old, my sister was not even living at home, and I was damn near grown eating cereal in my pajamas at midnight. My childhood was over. On New Year’s Day at 21 years old, it finally hit me that I was an adult. I was an adult who hadn’t accomplished anything significant in the year 2015. I was sad, but I didn’t know how to be happy. I felt stuck.

Fast forward to four months later to my 22^nd birthday. I decided to celebrate myself and invite people to a birthday dinner. Naturally, my fat ass invited everyone to a buffet. Yass! OMG, I just got hungry thinking about it. Anyway, I cried that day too! I looked around the table at the people that showed up and realized, three of these people were my cousins, one was my guy best friend, and the rest of them were just there (not counting all the "friends" that RSVP'd but didn't bother to show up). I hadn’t built any real genuine friendships with these people. None of them were with me through the worst parts of the past year. No one had seen me cry and, on the other hand, no one shared any inside jokes with me. So I cried after my birthday dinner.

I was frustrated. Damn! My 20s were supposed to be poppin’ – literally! I was supposed to be at a club with my best girlfriends, spending money from my good ass job and poppin’ bottles to get drunk and pass out on the couch in my apartment. But no! I spent my birthday the exact same way I spent my New Years – in my bedroom, at my parent’s house, scrolling through Facebook and wiping tears from my face as I compared my life to those of my peers.

PATHETIC.

I asked myself, “so when is this successful part of my life supposed to happen?” When I was 18, I remember thinking that when I turned 22, I would be the shit. I would be in a fancy ass apartment, with a nice job that required me to wear nice shoes, and I would have my own business. Ha! Funny. How was I supposed to do that? When was that supposed to happen?

By the time I turned 22, I was working at two amazing and fulfilling part-time jobs. I worked at the Boys and Girls Club with high school students where I advised and wrote curriculum for the Black Student Union. At my other job, I worked as a social media coordinator at a non-profit organization. I was also attending class full time at a college for working adults. Pretty good. I eventually made business cards with my titles from both jobs. I was giving them out like a proud momma until one day, it hit me! I am not my jobs! I was not Shanell McCoy, Social Media Coordinator or Shanell McCoy, Program Assistant. Was that it? Was that as far as I was supposed to go? Who was I?

I realized, I spent so much time working and dedicating myself to my jobs and school, that I lost sight of Shanell McCoy, Dope Ass Woman! I told myself that my title was not about to be defined by my temporary college jobs. On top of that, my time was not going to be dedicated to to just working and sleeping. I was working so hard and still not even making enough money to rent a studio apartment in the hood. I wasn’t focused on anything, I spread myself way too thin, and I was exhausted. And forget about building genuine friendships. Sorry friends? Who? Bitch where?

SO WHOOP, THERE IT IS. 

I decided to quit one of my jobs. I also switched my major. I made the decision to focus on me. Forget about everyone’s expectations of what I should or shouldn’t be doing. I was ready for a drastic change. I owed it to myself to explore my talents and my potential. And damn it! I deserved to be in my 20s and stay up passed 10 p.m. with no obligations to rush to work in the morning.

Since I quit one of my jobs, I deactivated my Facebook. Sorry fake ass Facebook “friends” I no longer make statuses about bull shit and my emotions. My Facebook now is literally a book - a journal. I’ve also started concentrating on my music, this blog, and my side hustle as a social media consultant. I even signed up for a documentary fellowship where I am working on producing a short documentary on systemic racism and relationships. Most importantly, I’ve mastered the art of a power nap. Old Shanell would have said, “What the hell is a nap?” Yes, baby girl, naps are the shit.

Focusing on myself, rather than on a million other things, is new for me. I'm learning not to pile up responsibilities, embrace the present, and plan for my future. With this new attitude, I’ll be looking back at the year with a smile. No more tears on New Year's!

How I'm Making Steps to Find My Happy Place

THERE'S PRESSURE IN YOUR 20s TO HAVE YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.

I felt that pressure everyday going to work and managing a full course load of classes at the local community college. Yes, I had my sh*t together. I had okay grades and was making okay money with two jobs, but I wasn't happy. I didn't understand how I could be doing everything right but still feel so incomplete.

A month before my 22 birthday, I realized it was time to make a change. I didn't know what I needed to do, I just knew I needed to do something. I mapped out every part of my life and thought about what parts of it I could change. I hated college. Just waking up knowing I had to go to class in the evening made me angry. I never asked myself why, I just went to class, often buying new school supplies just to encourage myself to stay focused. Then, it hit me. It's not that I hated college, I hated my classes. Hating my classes meant I hated my major! I was going to school for business marketing and as I was inching towards graduation, I knew I didn't want to work for a corporation and sell products for other people. I was taking an elective course in public relations and realized I loved communications. I dropped all of my marketing courses and switched my major to Professional Communications. I felt a weight off of my shoulders and had a small celebration as I picked out my communications classes for the next semester.

THE NEXT STEP WAS MY JOB -- MY JOBS.

I had been working two jobs for the past year to move out of my parent's house. The only problem was, the way the United States and minimum wage work, there was no way in hell I would be able to afford rent, insurance, groceries, and a car payment with the income I was getting on my own.

DAMN. 

I gave up on saving to move out and spent all of the savings I had on  plane tickets to visit my boyfriend who was out of state in college and a brand new weave (I had to look nice when I visited my boyfriend). So there I was, two-job shawty with no savings and what seemed like no money. I started to accumulate credit card debt in the thousands. If I needed a new weave, I charged it. Oh, my FAFSA doesn't fully cover my tuition? Charge it. Oh, I scheduled a photoshoot but don't have money to pay the photographer? Does he take cards? Charge it. Then one day, a mentor of mine just so happened to ask me how much I had saved up. At that time I had about $50 in my account. He asked me how much money I made with two jobs and what I spent my money on. He was all up in my business, but I was tired of being broke so I told him about my finances, hoping he would tell me how I could become wealthy like him. Like a slap across my face with the back of his hand, I had a wake up call. This man told me there was no way I was in a position to buy a chicken sandwich from Wendy's or that fancy tea from Caribou Coffee everyday. I spent $5 a day on food. That was nothing to me until I did the math and realized I spent nearly $100 every paycheck on fast food -- money I could be saving!

AFTER THAT CONVERSATION, I STARTED TO SAVE A MAJORITY OF MY PAYCHECKS.

I stopped buying fast food and started buying groceries to cook at home. I canceled my fancy gym membership and started actually going outside. I canceled all my unnecessary subscriptions online and put my credit card in a sealed envelop, out of my wallet. Then, contradictory to everything I just said, I quit one of my jobs. I was now managing my money, but I wasn't managing my time. Yes, two jobs and school was responsible and the perfect picture of having my sh*t together. But, in reality my sh*t was all over the place. Trying to do it all is great, but if you're not doing it all well, then it's not so great. I decided I needed to free up my time to focus on school and be great at it so I could finally graduate. I also decided to free up my time to start working on my goals.

WHAT'S THE POINT OF BEING IN MY TWENTIES IF I CAN'T TRY THINGS?

I wanted to focus on my music and start a few business. I couldn't do that when my entire day was work, work, school.

Long, long story short, I'm making steps to find my happy place -- a place that is financially stable, debt free, and fulfilling. Longer story short, map out your life. What can be different? Start with changing the little things.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THINGS THAT MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE JUST BECAUSE IT LOOKS GOOD TO EVERYONE ELSE. 

Put yourself in a position to try things and don't settle for less! It's okay, you can have your sh*t together AND be happy.

Be the CEO of Your Life

Think of your life as a business. You are the CEO. As the CEO, you determine the success of your business based on the decisions you make. It is your job to ensure that your business is always growing.

In other words, you are responsible for your own life. Your success is determined by the decisions you make. Your job is to ensure that you, as a person, are always growing and moving towards the next level.

Following along?

Okay, think of the people in your life as clients. Your clients support your business. Without your clients, you would have no business. The good thing is, you pick and choose your clients. If a client interferes with the success of your business, you as the CEO, let that client go.

In other words, you thrive off of the people in your life. Whether it's family, friends, or a significant other. While you can't choose family, you can choose who you allow in your life. And if someone interferes with your personal growth, then you have every right to let them go.

Still following?

Let me break it down.

You are a boss!! That means you don't sit back and let people take control of you. YOU control YOU. This is your business, your money, your time, your work! Nobody else can claim what is yours or tell you what to do. You run this!! So act like it.

People will treat you how you allow them to. No one should be able to come into your life and disrespect you or put you down. The business doesn't shut down or close shop early because one client is being difficult. You set the rules! How people talk to you and how people treat you is up to YOU.

On the other hand, you can't control another person's business just like you can't control another person's life. So don't waste your time thinking you can change people to adjust to your life. Even better, stop thinking people will change for YOU. Anybody that changes for YOU is putting on a show because no one is truly changed until they've done the internal work for themselves. Just like no business will change its direction unless it has been discussed internally with staff.

Got it?

This is something I realized very recently. I kept crying because of how I let other people treat me when in reality, I run this! Would a CEO cry when her clients are disrespecting the business? Hell no! She would say, "Thank you for your time, I can no longer be of service to you. Goodbye."
That's how you have to be in your life! You can't keep asking, "why do they treat me like this?" or "why do I keep crying?" Honey, its you! Take your power back and run your damn business with success on your mind. You have no time to please everybody else.

Understand?

Leave your questions and comments below!

This!

“Your 20’s are your ‘selfish’ years. It’s a decade to immerse yourself in every single thing possible. Be selfish with your time, and all the aspects of you. Tinker with shit, travel, explore, love a lot, love a little, and never touch the ground.”

― Kyoko Escamilla

Grow With Me - Welcome

I wish somebody would have told me how hard life gets when you turn 20. I went from saying, "when I grow up..." to "oh sh*t! I am grown up. Now what?" 

I don't know what's next! I'm 20 and I don't know what I want to do with my life. Yes, I'm all over the place. I send people off and make promises I can't keep. My favorite line is "Uhh...I'm not sure, I'll let you know." But so what? The mistake I've made was thinking I had to have all my sh*t together right now. I mean it'd be nice, but how am I going to know what I want if I don't try new things and mess up and change my mind? I've made friends and I've lost friends. I've found love and lost it and found it again. Sometimes you have to go through some sh*t. But that's okay. That's what growing is all about.  

So grow with me! In this blog you will find me figuring it out - friends, love, school, music, and life. It's all here. Come on this journey with me as I figure out exactly what is next. Welcome!